Friday, April 20, 2007

Pick me, pick me!

Remember when we were kids and it was time to pick teams? We all wanted to be picked first. The worst thing was to be picked last…or not at all. It has been many, many years since I was faced with that situation. And yet today I find that I am still that skinny little girl jumping up and down with my arm waving in the air, “Pick me, pick me!”

Today I was in the grocery store waiting in a long line. When a new cashier opened up their line I turned and hoped to catch her eye so that she would give me the nod to come be first in her line. “Pick me, pick me!”

I just moved to a new state. I find myself in a crowd of unfamiliar faces. Somewhere here are some terrific people for me to be friends with. I keep hoping to meet them. “Pick me, pick me!”

I just went through a job application process. In a very real way I was once again waving my arms and trying to get someone to believe in my ability to play on the team. I look around my new office and see my new co-workers. I really want the same kind of collaborative and supportive work environment like the one I left behind. “Pick me, pick me!”

Every medical office has patients that we just love to work with. There are those patients we hope choose to come see us for everything. I’ve even enjoyed some good natured competition from other providers as we wrangle over who gets to see these patients. When they go to make their next appointments, I hope they choose to say “I really want to see Midlife Midwife again.” “Pick me, pick me!”

I have a patient I have been working with. She is struggling, her life is rough. I talk to her each week and try to get her to open up. I’ve seen fleeting glimpses of her inner strength and goodness. Mostly though, I have seen her hard exterior shell that she retreats behind. I want her to feel safe and able to open up. I’d like her to find a way out of that shell. I want to see her smile at someone. “Pick me, pick me!”

And I blog. I hate to admit it. I want people to read what I write. I hope I have something worthwhile to say. I envy those bloggers who have large followings. I sometimes hope that someday, my name will appear on many other blog sites. “Pick me, pick me!”

So I sit here today with tons of stuff to get done. Realizing I am procrastinating getting anything done because I am a skinny little girl with her arms waving in the air, jumping up and down saying “Pick me, pick me!”


mm said...

You most certainly have something to say... I blog because I have too much to say, and no one to say it to! ;-)
I wasn't the kid who wanted to be picked though... I was the one who didn't want to play at all. Neither did I really care. I did get picked, never first of last... just picked.
Hope things are good with the job. Sounds like you are doing great with your job! Listening... that is so important!

tigbeane said...

You sure you aren't my twin? Pretty much the same here. My day is spent trying to make people laugh. The best is when you get the pt that is on the vent, worn out, and you make them smile. Or those with dry wit. I made one of our male nurses that never smiles blow milk out his nose. He still hates me, but it was sooooo worth it.

I picked you.

Midlife Midwife said...

MM and Tigbeane:
thanks for the votes of confidence!